When thinking about a moment in my life that has defined me as a person, nothing comes to mind. There is not one specific, life shaping moment that I can recall that has made me who I am today. Instead, I think that my life defining moment is actually occurring right now. There is one thing going on in my life today that will change my life, and who I am as a person for many years. It may not be a big deal and may not be the biggest decision I will ever have to make, but as of right now, to me, it is. Since it is something very personal and hard to talk about, I am not going to straight up tell you what I have to make an important decision about. Imagine your entire life has been focused around one thing for 16 years and one morning you wake up and think “is this really what I want to keep doing?” Every night, every weekend, every month, every year spent doing this one thing. All your time gone; spending it doing the thing you love, the one thing that makes you who you are. And all of a sudden it’s gone. All those hours spent working, focusing on becoming the best you can be, taken away by one speed bump. But it wasn't just one bump. Soon you realize no matter how hard you try and how much effort you put into getting back you can’t; and it just seems like every time you get back up something new is there to knock you down. So you start thinking “why am I doing this? Why am I putting myself through all this just for nothing good to come out of it?” The answer is unclear. So you keep working and keep struggling because how do you give up on something you have done your entire life, how do you just stop loving the only important thing in your life; the thing that makes you, you?
My defining moment started January 2015 when my broke my collarbone and my whole world shook. Everything I knew was gone. Trying to get back to where I was before seemed impossible. So as my life hits yet another speed bump, I think to myself “is it worth it anymore?” Do I want to keep putting all my time into something I’m not succeeding in. You don’t know how hard it is to watch your friends and teammates surpass you and improve while you stay the same. So if you’re not getting better, why keep doing it?
Making this decision on whether to keep going or to give up will definitely change who I am as a person, either for the better or the worse. Finally being put in the position of making a decision that actually matters will indicate the kind of person I am, and how I handle my final decision and the consequences that will come along with it will also demonstrate my character. Will I be able to handle my decision and move on with life? Or will I drown in the self guilt and “what if” questions I will have?