Friday, 1 April 2016
Liam DiNatale- Defining Moment
Hmmm... A defining moment in my life... Well I think the best place to start, is a word that many people are familiar with... Depression... Last October I was diagnosed with depression and continue to battle depression to this day. Many people know this about me and are very startled because people think that I am the happiest person on the whole planet. But a common cliche states, "some things just aren't as they seem". 2 years ago July my parents divorced and so I decided to split time between them. I was pretty shaken during that summer but I soon got over it. Fast forward 10 months to May and things between my dad and I had gotten pretty bad. He was very controlling, immature, mean and it felt like I was attached to a leash. I told my dad I thought it was time for me to be my own individual and have a little bit of independence. He got really angry because I was "standing up" for myself and he told me that I was not old enough and therefore capable of being my own person. I told him I wanted to spend more time at my Mom's house because it was a better environment and I enjoyed being there more. He told me if I left the house he would never let me back. I thought he was angry and being irrational and didn't actually believe he would stick by with what he said. Fast forward almost a year now and I have never been back living with my dad. The hate and awful things he would text me was unbearable. Telling me I was the worst son in the world, I abandoned my "own" father, he would never let me back into his life until the day he died and pretty much cutting off all ties with me. In some ways this is comparable to someone losing a person to death. The reason I say this is because I will never see my dad again like someone losing someone by death they too will never be with that person again and also the suffering and grieving is similar. These feelings of sadness really started to become bad just after school rolled around this fall. So saddened I felt immobile to get out bed in the mornings, so saddened I could not focus at all in school and as a result my marks started to go down. Having no motivation to do really anything outside of school. I could not shake the feelings of sadness and depression but even worse I still had to wake up everyday and pretended everything was okay. I wanted to just put the world on pause. The physical feelings of depression are a very real thing and many times I felt paralyzed and felt there was never a way out of any given situation. Skip forward to today and I am seeing a counselor and am taking naturopathic vitamins but why this journey has been so defining because it really puts life into perspective and makes me appreciate having family and friends that love and support you. It's also very defining in my life because once I'm completely healed it will help me for the rest of my life if I'm ever having feelings of sadness I will know how to handle those feelings. It has also defined me because I know what it's like to suffer from mental health and I can be an ambassador to anyone that I meet who is afraid about their mental health. It's different to learn about depression, than to actually have those exact feelings and know what it is like. Ultimately, this journey will shape me into a great person who really understands the ups and downs up life.